


Smackdown!

by Jantique



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Catfight (Imaginary), Fantasizing, Gen, Humor, Natasha Triumphant!, Post-Avengers (2012)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-07-19 06:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7348876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jantique/pseuds/Jantique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Could the Black Widow take down Wonder Woman? It's a legitimate question. But a battle of wits with the boys? No contest! (<i>She pities the fools</i>....)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smackdown!

Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint and Thor—that is to say, all of the Avengers except Agent Romanov—were gathered outside Director Fury's office, waiting on his pleasure. (Or wrath. It was anybody’s guess.)

Tony was immersed in a StarkPad™. Steve was looking at the bare walls, thinking how a painting or two would liven up the room. Preferably one of _his_. Bruce was quietly meditating. (About winning a Nobel Prize, with Stark just watching him from the crowd. Who would be green then, hah!) Clint was lost in a daydream where the Avengers held a press conference and _he_ got all the questions. Not to mention lucrative endorsements. Finally Thor said, "Friend Natasha is late."

"Yeah, no," Clint quickly put in, "Natasha's never late. She's probably on assignment or ... she just doesn't need to be here for this."

That got everyone's attention. Even Tony stopped playing Angry Bir—er, _designing new technology_ —and looked up. What had they done wrong, and how much trouble were they in? Everyone quickly searched their consciences and shook their heads. Nothing came to mind (at least, since last Wednesday).

"Okay, fine," Tony said blithely, "we can talk about her without her hearing."

That garnered an immediate chorus of "Tony!"s and Clint miming slashing his throat. Really, that was never a good idea. But Tony held up a hand and said, "Hey, nothing bad. I was thinking about something; let me run it by you guys. So what do you think? In a smackdown between Black Widow and Wonder Woman, who would win?" He smiled brightly.

Thor frowned. "I have seen the comical books of Wonder Woman, Prince Diana," he said, "but I was not aware that she is a real person."

Tony sighed. "Um, it’s Diana Prince. And no, she's not, at least not in this universe," he admitted. "She's a fictional character. But pretend, just for a minute, that she _was_ real. The question is, who would win in a fight between her and Natasha?"

Clint hastily jumped in. "Natasha, of course," he said.

Everyone looked at Clint. "What?!" He squirmed in his seat. "She so _would_!"

Bruce placatingly said, "It's not that anyone is arguing with you, Clint...."

" _But_ ," Tony cut in, "you need to come up with a better reason _why_ than just that she'll tear off your balls and feed them to you for breakfast if she ever found out that you said anything different." He smirked. Clint hated him so, **so** very much.

Steve frowned and thought about it. "Actually," he decided, "I don't have a problem with that reasoning." When everyone looked at him, he explained, "Hawkeye—who is a trained SHIELD Agent, capable of assessing an agent’s strengths and weaknesses—obviously thinks that the Black Widow is more, ah, aggressive—"

"Vicious."

"Vindictive."

“Scary!”

"—than Wonder Woman would be. That would give her an added edge in combat—therefore, she would probably win the fight."

Clint glowed. Steve was his _favorite_. He decided not to bother pointing out that since WW was _fictional_ , _she_ was actually less likely to tear off—well, you know. Besides, he had a much better argument.

"And, you know, Tasha does that thing where she can crack your skull between her thighs. Wonder Woman doesn't do that."

There was a moment of respectful silence as the men contemplated Natasha Romanov with Diana Prince's head between her thighs. A collective sigh filled the room.

Tony, of course, simply couldn't leave it alone. "Okay, raise your hand, anyone who would NOT pay good money to see that." Steve thought about raising his hand—after all, he had his Image™ to maintain. But then again, he couldn’t tell a lie. _Darn it_! 

Thor contributed, "It would indeed be a most pleas—er, a worthy battle between mighty warriors."

Tony nodded and said, "We're all with you there, pal." At least, he _started_ to say that, when he noticed that something was wrong with Barton. Was he choking? Having a heart attack? He seemed to be in considerable distress. Tony _finally_ looked around and noticed that the door to Fury's Inner Sanctum was open. Leaning against it was Natasha Romanov ( _aw, you guessed_!), arms folded, patiently waiting. **Listening.** It was well known that Fury’s door was solid steel. Absolutely no one doubted that she had heard every ill-timed word.

She repeated, oh-so-politely, “A worthy battle between mighty warriors"?

Bruce diplomatically said, “We were just agreeing that you could beat anyone.”

A group response of “Right”, “Absolutely!”, “Most certainly” and “Stark started it!” quickly followed.

She tilted her head, considering. After a moment, she said, “I appreciate your confidence in me.” She strode to the outer door, flung it open, took one step out. Any internal sighs of relief were _waaaaay_ too premature. 

This was, after all, Natasha Romanov, Agent of SHIELD, spy, assassin and Avenger. And who better to avenge than—herself? 

She turned back and, with a slightly bemused expression, said, “I don’t know why you all seem to imagine that Diana Prince and I would be _enemies_. I’m quite sure that we would be **_VERY. GOOD. FRIENDS_**.” 

Every man there popped a boner. Gods included.

She took a second step out, but threw over her shoulder, “Director Fury is ready to see you now. You’d better go right in—he’s not in a very good mood, and you know that he _doesn’t_ like to be kept waiting!”

Natasha let the door swing shut behind her, and allowed herself the smallest visible smile as she strode away. But inside, she was glowing. Final Score: Black Widow, 4. Males, 0. It was a good day. She couldn’t wait to tell Maria. And Pepper. Definitely Laura. And Jane and Betty and Sharon…. 

END


End file.
